You can do everything but still find yourself in the line of fire of a predator. Because contrary to popular belief, all the prevention in the world really won't save you.
It is important to constantly keep your eyes peeled for a potential predator. Here are the 4 most important things to look for:
Many predators don't seem to realise that there is a clear power dynamic between them and their other people. They call themselves “close friends” of school kids, they inappropriately invite people home and they think “flat hierarchies” are a real thing.
This leads to a lot of inappropriate behaviour and plenty of surprise when they are called out on it. I do believe that in most situations this is just a facade. It's a great way to get away with bad behaviour by claiming good intent. However, I am sure that some people really do lack the social skills required to make this distinction.
Either way, I do not believe that a possible lack of intent is a strong enough excuse to pardon bad behaviour.
They start with the little things. They start by getting close to you professionally, then they move on to getting personal. And this is okay — we all do have work friends! But then they take this and start singling you out for out of work interactions. Then they drink too much around you, hold your hand, and keep pushing.
And what you say or do doesn't matter here. You can tell them you don't want to talk to them, but they will still show up. You can tell them that you don't want to hug them, they will still keep asking.
They don’t care that you literally got into a cab to run away from them when they asked you to go home with them. They just try again the next day.
Their thesis here is "if I care about you, how can I hurt you?"
But of course, this is a great form of manipulation. It works on so many levels!
The more they help you, the harder it is for your complaints to seem credible. It's a wonderful way to gaslight you and pretend like you were coming on to them.
The reality however is very different. They have simply reduced every human interaction into a transaction. They mentor you in exchange for sex, they give you gifts in exchange for inappropriate hugs, and they employ you so you can't really say no to them. Everything has strings attached.
This is my favourite trait. For a young person, this can be hard to spot. It sucks since most of us don’t master the art of superficial charm until our 30s. So a young person, straight out of college, has never had to deal with it.
This is the trait that will make you feel insane. It will make you question if you’re the problem even when everyone else can tell you that you are not.
This is also the quality that will mess with your head the most — do they actually think you’re good at what you do or are they trying to sleep with you? What is the truth and what is manipulation? It will taint how you look at everyone.
Here is what I look for (I could be wrong): They say and do all the right things except when it matters. Or to put it another way, their actions don’t match their words.