There are so many perks to being a predator — you get to abuse your power, you get to force people to do things they don’t want to and you, more often than not, get to walk away scotch free.
But no one wants to be called a predator. It is so much nicer to be remembered as the radical who changed the world for the better.
What if I told you you can have the best of both worlds — you can trip on your power while being treated like a saint?
You don’t believe me? Read on!
It can be tempting to dive straight into the abusive part. But patience will get you a long way. You need to start by gaining the trust of your victim. Start by helping them out a few times. Make it seem like no big deal — it really wouldn’t be if you were a decent human being.
Then, work your way up to constantly providing unsolicited advice. Then call yourself their biggest promoter.
If you’ve done this step right, congratulations — your victim will have their guard down around you!
It is not enough to appear trustworthy to one person. Because if other people know you’re an unreliable scumbag, they might alert your victim. So you need to make sure that everyone knows you are virtuous™.
How do you make yourself seem like a champion of the weak? By tweeting about it ofcourse!
Curate your twitter feed to be 25% anti-capitalist, 20% pro-women, 30% pro marginalised group that isn’t hip yet and 20% funny (you need to seem approachable).
If you want to really commit to this, conduct a few women-in-tech events and talk obsessively about your company's diversity numbers.
I should preface this by saying — get married asap. That way, you can talk about your spouse with starry eyes all the time. Better yet, include them on your Twitter bio so people know you’re a family person who doesn’t sleep around!
Here’s how you begin — you say something outrageous like “why don’t you come home with me?” And if your victim looks uncomfortable, laugh it off!
That way you’re building plausible deniability by writing it off as a dark joke. But all along, you get to test how unaware of their rights your victim is.
Did your victim just get into a cab and go back to their house when you asked them to come home with you? No worries. Try again! They don’t know what they want yet!