This is the hardest part.
Especially when your abuser is far more powerful than you are. You can spend months steeling yourself for a complaint, but it won’t be enough.
If you’re young, it will be your worst nightmare. Because if you are still a year into your career, it can be so hard to decode corporate-speak. Who is on your side? Who will do anything to maintain the bottom line?
Your company can go on and on about diversity and inclusion but if a CXO is your abuser, how do you take any of that seriously?
But know this — it is worth it.
That is not to say that you have to complain — in some situations, you can lose everything by complaining and sometimes it is not the right time. That is okay.
If you do choose to complain, here are a few things to keep in mind:
Complain officially so you have a leg to stand on. You might be lucky enough to work around really kind people but they do have conflicting interests. Losing a senior employee or a CXO can be damaging for the bottom line.
That way, if they botch up the internal process, you can take them to court.
On that note, most countries have a legal limit on the time period during which they will accept a complaint. So be sure to complain in that timeframe!
While dealing with someone much bigger than you, it helps to know exactly what your rights are.
And it helps to have someone who can inform you about the processes, the probabilities for your case and it will help if you ever have to escalate it.
Depending on your country and the rules there, you don’t have to share everything at the first go. I recommend progressive disclosure. Don’t let your assaulter know how much proof you have. Let them lie and dig a hole around themselves. It will make you a lot more believable when you present proof. I’m not sure if this is legal, so please check with your lawyer!
It can be hard to think about what you want when you’re in the middle of a crisis like this. But it sucks when you spend so much of your time dealing with the trauma of all of this and watch your abuser walk away with a slap on the wrist.
For example, a jury might decide to suspend your abuser temporarily even in a situation where they deserve to be fired. Maybe they’ll add a penalty that adds up to peanuts for your abuser. That doesn’t take away from the trauma you will have to constantly endure.
If you know what you want, you can set that expectation with the company, your lawyer and yourself. It may not lead to a different outcome, but it does set the stage differently.