Since many people seem to be super confused when they are accused of and successfully proven to have sexually harassed someone, I think we need a quick primer on what obvious things are harassment.

What is sexual harassment?

Let’s begin by getting on the same page about harassment.

Here is how the EEOC defines it:

Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature when:

• Submission to such conduct is made either explicitly or implicitly a term or condition of an individual's employment, or
• Submission to or rejection of such conduct by an individual is used as a basis for employment decisions affecting such individual, or
• Such conduct has the purpose or effect of unreasonably interfering with an individual's work performance or creating an intimidating, hostile, or offensive working environment

Simple enough right?

Let’s dissect this through the lens of power and consent.

Thinking about Power

If you hold a position of power, more often than not, you will be held accountable to that power.

If you are someone’s manager, employer or teacher, odds are, it is sexual harassment.

Let’s take the example of an employer. Even if you’ve convinced yourself that you’re approachable and that your company has a “flat hierarchy”, you and I know that’s simply not true. The person you have an unhealthy crush on relies on you for job stability and a salary. You hired them to work for you. The transaction is complete — you pay them, they do the work.. So why would it ever make sense to add the obligation of finding creative ways to turn down your advances? Was that mentioned in the JD? No. Is it contractual? No.

While you may not think of it this way, you can withhold projects, refuse promotions and you can fire them. And most importantly, you can make them feel very unsafe at work.

You may not even intend to do any of these things. Maybe you approached this person to sleep with you, they said no, so now you’re embarrassed to be around them. And with no malice you just want to avoid them. Unfortunately, you play a pivotal role in the company and if you avoid your victim, they lose several career opportunities.

And take a second to think about it from their perspective, how do you politely turn down your boss? How do you politely turn down your boss when they repeatedly ask you for the same thing? Even outside of sex, how do you do it?

You simply cannot. You can be firm and risk retaliation or you can give up and sleep with them because you might not be able to afford to lose your job now.